Recipe #4: Goldfish Chicken Tenders

Sorry for the delay on this, it’s been a crazy busy summer.  I know all of you have been frantically clicking refresh on your browser every second of every day for the past couple weeks, so I’m a reward you with a delicious recipe!  This is a bounce-back or me after the horrors of the Twice-Baked Potatoes Fiasco of 2013, aka The Recipe That Shall Not Be Named.  So here it is, Goldfish Chicken Tenders!

Now get yerself somma this stuff:

-Canola oil
-Chicken tenders
-Goldfish (uh-duh)
-Tin foil (I cant assume everyone has it because I usually don’t)
-Dippin’ sauce of your choice. I went with honey mustard, but feel free to get nuts.

Goldfish chicken tenders ingredients

That Dole pineapple juice in the background has literally been sitting there for 3 years.

This recipe is pretty similar/identical to the Goldfish Mozz Sticks recipe, but there are a couple variations.  First thing you’re gonna want to do it get a bowl and crack some eggs in there and beat ’em up.  Then grab another bowl or some tupperware  – oh wait, before you do that, grind up the Goldfish in a blender.  I went with cheddar, but you should go Flavor Blasted for reasons I’ll explain later.  OK you done?  Good, now get that bowl or tupperware and dump the Goldfish crumbs in there.  Now cut open your package of chicken and stab a tender with a fork and dip it in the eggs.  Then dip it in the fish crumbs, making sure its coated completely.

Goldfish chicken tenders

like this, but do a less half-assed job than I did, m’kay?

You can double coat if you want, but I only did it once and it turned out fine (spoiler!).  Double coating may be good though now that I think of it while I type this.  OK I’ll get to that later.   Anyhoo, where were we..  oh yeah, put the coated tenders on a foiled baking sheet.  I was gonna do two baking sheets worth of tenders but the clock was ticking and I realized that I had forgotten about the whole freezing part of this recipe and it was already 9:30pm and I didn’t want to be eating these things at 1am because I would probably have weird ass nightmares if I ate this stuff before going to sleep.   So yeah, you should freeze the tenders, overnight if possible.  Because I am shot and forgot about this and had to finish them that night ’cause I was going out of town the next day, I only froze them for 2 hours which was actually fine.

Whoops, sideways camera. Looks like I’m dumping them on the floor.

So (at least) 2 hours later, pull ’em out.  Then fill a big frying pan with about a half inch of oil and heat it up it on high-ish heat.  Once it’s on and poppin’, throw the frozen tenders in there, 3 or 4 at a time.  My friend Kiki Uptown helped me with these because she’s good at this stuff.



Fry them about 3 minutes on each side.  I’m paranoid about salmonella (thanks Paula!) so I probably cooked them a little more than I had to, but cut one open when you think they’re done and make sure it’s not pink or purple or gray or gross inside.  Mine were pretty good so I was ready to serve them up.  Throw them on a plate with paper towels for a bit so they soak up the delicious, delicious grease, and then toss them on a plate with the dipping sauce of your choice.

Shockingly decent looking!

Dagblasted sideways camera!  What was I doing??

Shockingly decent looking, no??  I served them up to some hungry friends who were over watching the world premier of Sharknado (excellent film) and they were a hit!  However, they only had a slight Goldfish taste.  You had to know they were made with Goldfish crumbs to notice the taste.  That’s where the double coating comes in – it could be the trick to making them Goldfishier.  That, and using Flavor Blasted instead of regular cheddar.  My friend Steve recommended baking them because when you fry stuff, the oil tends to overpower whatever you coat the chicken with.  So yeah, try this recipe but double coat with flavor blasted and it should be perfect.  If not, bake ’em.  But definitely eat them while watching Sharknado..

because this happens.

..because this happens.

So you know how I said I was leaving town the day after I made the tenders?  Well I went to Ohio and stumbled upon some new Goldfish snacks…. taste test coming soon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s