Pizza, revolutionized.

Well, I recently realized that my life until this point was a failure.  I had been so blind to an idea so simple.  But now I am embarking on a whole new world of deliciousness and I’d like to bring you all along for the ride:

goldfish pizza


It makes so much goddam sense that I’m questioning my intelligence for taking so long to think of it.  Now if I can only convince the pizza guy to roll Goldfish into the crust as when he’s preparing the pie….

New car!

As sad as I was to bid adieu to my trusty steed of 15 years, my 1998 Ford Escort, I have to admit that I am truly enjoying the fancy features of my new car.  I can now make the windows go up and down by pressing a button, pop the trunk from the inside of the car, and have both heat AND air conditioning.. welcome to 1950s luxury!  The finest feature of all can be seen below though:

wait for it...

wait for it…Goldfish compartment open

I paid an extra $85,000 for this feature, but how could I live without a Goldfish compartment???  More important than working brakes if you ask me.  Now all I need is fingerprint identification locks for the compartment and I’ll be all set.