How appropriate that I encountered a school of fish in my sack of Goldfish!
“Ring the bell, school’s in, sucka”
That’s a three-headed ghidorah of deliciousness. But what does it mean? It must be a sign… but what?? I should consume 3 times more Goldfish than I do? Probably. Somebody get me a backhoe and a funnel the size of a bathtub, toot sweet!
I’m sure that half of you have literally died from the withdrawal symptoms from lack of Goldfish blog reading, so I apologize for that and send my sympathies to your families. The reason for my hiatus is because I was in the process of moving into an apartment with an actual kitchen!! Check it out;
!!!!!!!!
You see that horizontal, flat stuff in the picture there? Well apparently that’s called “counter space” and normal people typically have it in their kitchens. Who knew! Best believe I’m a use that counter thingy stuff to prepare some ridiculous Goldfish concoctions! Goldfish stuffing is currently in the lead but the tater tots are not far behind. Stay tuned!
From a Daily News article I just stumbled upon by googling “goldfish news”:
It’s the “snack that smiles back,” and now the beloved childhood cracker is taking on a new identity: mac and cheese.
Pepperidge Farm has transformed the crunchy orange cracker into boxed Gold Fish Mac & Cheese. The lunchbox favorite will compete for shelf space with Kraft’s classic blue box, according to a Huffington Post report.
“Just like mac and cheese, the Goldfish brand is adored by children and adults alike, so it made perfect sense for us to add the fun and wholesomeness of Goldfish to this favorite classic food,” Jared Konstanty, senior vice president of snacks at Pepperidge Farm, said in a press release. “We’re thrilled to be able to deliver even more smiles in our devoted fans with the launch of Goldfish Mac & Cheese.”
The processed product is available exclusively at Walmart in four flavors: Butter Parmesan, Cheddar, Cheesy Pizza and Nacho Cheese.
The one-eyed smile and bite-sized crackers take the same shape in pasta form and the bright orange box models the original snack packagaing.
The suggested retail price for a 5.5-ounce package is 98 cents and will hit shelves nationwide this July.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup.
That would be a gigantic Goldfish costume. Don’t ask me how you breathe in there, but that’s not important. Breathing is secondary to looking amazing in this Goldfish suit. Check out the glorious side profile:
Now how do you eat and drink while you’re wearing that thing? That’s the question. The costume is so big you could probably build cup holders inside it and just stash a bunch of beers in there and drop the empties out the bottom when you’re done with them. You can even fall down a flight of steps in that thing and be totally fine! It’s also perfect for driving during the day since you’ll be wearing a 10 foot long pair of sunglasses and won’t even need your car’s airbags!
I’m headed to New Orleans this weekend so hopefully I’ll find some crawfish Goldfish down there or get inspired to make a Goldfish po-boy when I get back. Stay tuned!
My buddy Stu had an Arrested Development party this past Sunday and whipped up these bad boys:
Woah.
That’s right. That’s a hunk of chocolate with Goldfish in it. I asked him what the recipe was so I could post it to the blog, and he said “I just took a bunch of chocolate and threw Goldfish in it.” Boom. It was genius in it’s simplicity, yet a achieved beautiful harmony of salty and sweet. A munchstrocity of epic proportions. Truly Stu-pendous.
.. and it’s coming, so get excited.
The Goldfisherman 