Taste Test: Goldfish PUFFS!

In previous posts, I had mentioned that this is an exciting time to be a Goldfish fan- Pepperidge Farm has been coming out with crazy new flavors lately, including the Goldfish Grahams line which I started reviewing a few posts back.  But this… this I did not expect.  I was in a supermarket in Ohio a few weekends ago and was in charge of picking out the beach snacks our group would be eating (they obviously chose the right person for this).   My first order of business was seeking out the Pepperidge Farm section, as the obligatory token bag of chips I would buy would come second in my snack search.  I find their Goldfish section and drop my basket on the floor in sheer horror when I see this:



They’re joking, right?  That’s all they have????  This must be an elaborate prank that was orchestrated with the sole purpose of giving me a stress ulcer.  En route to finding the manager so I could backhand him across his dumb face, I came across a GOLDFISH PUFFS display at the end of an aisle!  I had never seen these before, so I was caught off guard.  They come in a shiny medium-sized resealable plastic bag:

goldfish puffs mega cheese

Stunning.  And with “mega cheese” as a flavor, we could be in for a wild ride.  I resisted the urge to rip them open right there, and instead took them to the counter and paid for them like a civilized member of society.  I couldn’t wait to dig into these mofos though.  We got home and headed over to the beach, where I donned Erica’s grandma’s American flag star sunglasses for fear of being blinded by the shining glory of these puffs when I gaze my mortal eyes on them for the first time.

Only a bald eagle perched on my shoulder could make this picture more American.

Only a bald eagle perched on my shoulder could make this picture more American.

Woah.  These are interesting.  They’re bigger than normal goldfish, and obviously much puffier.  Check ’em out:

Puffs in hand

I ate a few and realized they’re much like puffed Cheetos, only in a smaller, fishier shape.  This is fine by me, because I usually don’t eat the puffy Cheetos because the texture weirds me out after a while, and the less bites I have to take per puff, the better.  The cheese taste is slightly different too.  They don’t have the trademark cheddar taste that regular Goldfish have either… It must be the mega-ness of the cheese.  While munching away, I also noticed that the powder doesn’t get on your hands as much as the Cheetos powder does.  Another plus.  However, I saw that people were reaching for them less and less after the initial excitement wore off, myself included.  Its not because they’re bad.. they just threw me off a bit.  I was expecting that familiar Goldfish cheese taste and it wasn’t there.  With the texture also being different, the only trait that had any resemblance to Goldfish was their fish shape.  Other than that, they’re a completely different snack (much like the grahams).  They’re good though, and I recommend trying them.  I am also going to try the Buffalo Wing flavor if I ever see them, because that sounds outstanding.  So yeah, give them a shot and let me know what you think!  Also, follow the blog by clicking the follow link at the top of your screen so you can get updates delivered to you and don’t have to furiously refresh every day in a frenzied sweaty panic.

Goldfish Soup!

Goldfish soup

Has anyone ever seen or had this??  I just stumbled upon it on the intrawebz and in turn discovered that Campbell’s owns Pepperidge Farm… who knew!?   Are there Goldfish crackers in there or is the pasta shaped like Goldfish?   My preliminary research has come up inconclusive so far.  From the looks of the can above doesn’t seem like either is the case… it’s just chicken soup with pasta shaped like stars and circles which is incredibly lame.  I did find multiple versions of this soup though, see below:

Goldfish soup 2

Now that one looks like the pasta is shaped like Goldfish, but there are no actual Goldfish Crackers in there.  HOWEVER:

goldfish soup 3

This one here looks like it has Goldfish in them because of the “whole grain” label on it.  WHAT IS GOING ON HERE SOMEBODY TELL ME!!

I gotta say though, as much as I love Goldfish, I can’t imagine a canned soup that already has the crackers inside it being anything but disgusting.  It’s just gonna be Goldfish mush, amiright??

If somebody has seen these soups or has had them, please reply in the comments section and lemme know the deal.  Whoever you are Campbell (if that is your real name), stop being such a mysterious temptress!!

Recipe #4: Goldfish Chicken Tenders

Sorry for the delay on this, it’s been a crazy busy summer.  I know all of you have been frantically clicking refresh on your browser every second of every day for the past couple weeks, so I’m a reward you with a delicious recipe!  This is a bounce-back or me after the horrors of the Twice-Baked Potatoes Fiasco of 2013, aka The Recipe That Shall Not Be Named.  So here it is, Goldfish Chicken Tenders!

Now get yerself somma this stuff:

-Canola oil
-Chicken tenders
-Goldfish (uh-duh)
-Tin foil (I cant assume everyone has it because I usually don’t)
-Dippin’ sauce of your choice. I went with honey mustard, but feel free to get nuts.

Goldfish chicken tenders ingredients

That Dole pineapple juice in the background has literally been sitting there for 3 years.

This recipe is pretty similar/identical to the Goldfish Mozz Sticks recipe, but there are a couple variations.  First thing you’re gonna want to do it get a bowl and crack some eggs in there and beat ’em up.  Then grab another bowl or some tupperware  – oh wait, before you do that, grind up the Goldfish in a blender.  I went with cheddar, but you should go Flavor Blasted for reasons I’ll explain later.  OK you done?  Good, now get that bowl or tupperware and dump the Goldfish crumbs in there.  Now cut open your package of chicken and stab a tender with a fork and dip it in the eggs.  Then dip it in the fish crumbs, making sure its coated completely.

Goldfish chicken tenders

like this, but do a less half-assed job than I did, m’kay?

You can double coat if you want, but I only did it once and it turned out fine (spoiler!).  Double coating may be good though now that I think of it while I type this.  OK I’ll get to that later.   Anyhoo, where were we..  oh yeah, put the coated tenders on a foiled baking sheet.  I was gonna do two baking sheets worth of tenders but the clock was ticking and I realized that I had forgotten about the whole freezing part of this recipe and it was already 9:30pm and I didn’t want to be eating these things at 1am because I would probably have weird ass nightmares if I ate this stuff before going to sleep.   So yeah, you should freeze the tenders, overnight if possible.  Because I am shot and forgot about this and had to finish them that night ’cause I was going out of town the next day, I only froze them for 2 hours which was actually fine.

Whoops, sideways camera. Looks like I’m dumping them on the floor.

So (at least) 2 hours later, pull ’em out.  Then fill a big frying pan with about a half inch of oil and heat it up it on high-ish heat.  Once it’s on and poppin’, throw the frozen tenders in there, 3 or 4 at a time.  My friend Kiki Uptown helped me with these because she’s good at this stuff.



Fry them about 3 minutes on each side.  I’m paranoid about salmonella (thanks Paula!) so I probably cooked them a little more than I had to, but cut one open when you think they’re done and make sure it’s not pink or purple or gray or gross inside.  Mine were pretty good so I was ready to serve them up.  Throw them on a plate with paper towels for a bit so they soak up the delicious, delicious grease, and then toss them on a plate with the dipping sauce of your choice.

Shockingly decent looking!

Dagblasted sideways camera!  What was I doing??

Shockingly decent looking, no??  I served them up to some hungry friends who were over watching the world premier of Sharknado (excellent film) and they were a hit!  However, they only had a slight Goldfish taste.  You had to know they were made with Goldfish crumbs to notice the taste.  That’s where the double coating comes in – it could be the trick to making them Goldfishier.  That, and using Flavor Blasted instead of regular cheddar.  My friend Steve recommended baking them because when you fry stuff, the oil tends to overpower whatever you coat the chicken with.  So yeah, try this recipe but double coat with flavor blasted and it should be perfect.  If not, bake ’em.  But definitely eat them while watching Sharknado..

because this happens.

..because this happens.

So you know how I said I was leaving town the day after I made the tenders?  Well I went to Ohio and stumbled upon some new Goldfish snacks…. taste test coming soon!

The Joy of Goldfish

Turns out Julia Child was a fellow Goldfishianado!  Legend has it that she would serve Goldfish as hors d’oeuvres at dinner parties.  Seriously, google “Julia Child Goldfish” and you’ll find a bunch of great stuff, including this excerpt from a “Recollections About Julia Child” page:

I showed my nine year-old son Julia’s kitchen this summer — in the Smithsonian, now — and said, “see that table… I sat there early one evening at her house in Cambridge. She poured a lovely German wine and asked if I wanted something to eat.”

“What’d she fix you?”

“Well, she went over to a bin that opened from the cabinet in the pantry – inside I could see it was lined with a plastic sack. She pulled out a big handful of those little goldfish crackers.”

“We supped on fish and a fine white wine at Julia’s that night.”

Lucky bastard!  I also read that after she passed away, there was a memorial in Boston where they served Goldfish in her honor.  When I go, I want to be cremated and have my remains stored in a Goldfish bag.



Since the 4th of July is tomorrow, why don’t you sit back and learn how to cook some beef: