New Taste Test: Fudge Brownie Goldfish Grahams!

I saw these buggers in the store the other day and figured we were due for another taste test, especially since Pepperidge Farm has been churning out new Goldfish Graham flavors like their dad-gummed pants are on fire.   This bag looked particularly intriguing at the time because it was randomly sitting in the pasta sauce section of the supermarket I was in.  Fate, obviously.  Since I reviewed some other Grahams in a previous post, I won’t get into the titilating packaging details again, but here’s a pic of me holding the bag while crouching in a park in Bushwick in the middle of the night, because that’s normal:

goldfish grahams fudge brownie

I cracked open the bag and took an extreme close-up of them for your viewing and palm-reading pleasure:

goldfish grahams

“I seeeeee a BICYCLLLLLLLE…..”

And no, I did not reach into a litter box.  Those are some fine looking fudge fishies, generously coated in “flavor crystals”.  I threw all of those in my mouth at the same time for maximum tastification and also gave a few to my cronies who were lurking in the dark with me that evening.  Some of the reviews I heard included “they taste like Teddy Grahams”, “mmm!”, “it’s the cookie part of the Oreo”, and “who the f#@k are you?? Stop forcing Goldfish into my mouth, you psycho!  I’ll stab your face!!” from a not-so-friendly passerby in a hooded sweatshirt.  I agree with the Teddy Grahams and Oreo comments – it’s a perfect hybrid of both.  It has the taste of the Oreo cookie with the texture of a Teddy Graham.  They’re tasty, but like the other Grahams I’ve tasted, the only resemblance to Goldfish is their shape.  It would have been a lot better if they took regular cheddar Goldfish and drizzled a thin layer of fudge chocolate over them.  Holy sh!t, I think I need to do that at home right now.  Wow.  Gotta go!

Verdict: Tasty, but would be better ground up and stirred into a milkshake.

Goldfish French Toast Grahams, Reviewed

The people have spoken!  The winner of the Goldfish Grahams taste test poll is…. French Toast!

First off, these grahams come in a plastic sack instead of paper, and it’s nearly impossible to open without ripping it, even if you’re careful.  It seriously took me 90 seconds to fully open it, and I still tore it.  The glue used to seal this bag could have been used to seal the BP oil rig leak.

Here’s a pic of a graham next to a regular fish:


They’re about the same size, but they’re solid and covered in “taste crystals” (sugar), so they’re messier than regular fish.  My first reaction after eating some was that they tasted just like Teddy Grahams.  I could only taste cinnamon at first, but after a few seconds, the french toast taste kicked in.  Not too shabby!  After a few more of these lil guys, I realized that I could keep eating more, but I see an end in sight; I could see myself getting sick of them after a while.  They’re way more rich than standard Goldfish, and maybe it’s because I prefer salty to sweet, but this isn’t a snack that I see myself craving in the future.  Don’t get me wrong though, by the time I typed this sentence, I’d had about 6 handfuls of them… but after a night out, I don’t envision me doing something like this:

So try ’em if you like Teddy Grahams or sweet snacks, but if you’re looking for something similar to Goldfish, get something else.  Or get some real f*ckin’ french toast.